I need some emotional support in making decision in my family. Can you guide me

Hi Anu, I am Mr R. Recently I came to read about the life situations many are facing and saw you are helping them. Am also in a situation like that. I am a single child to my parents.I had a fair childhood till I reached my 8th std. From that point (I don't know why and how) my father changed completely. He started quarrelling with my mom about small things and things worsened. I have seen my mom crying all day. I didn't know what to do at that time. I felt lonely, alone, frustrated.In my 11th grade, my father and mom decided to get separated. Father decided to sell our house but we had much debt in the bank as my mom had taken loans to build a new house. Later my father told her to sign in the divorce paper so that he could sell the house and give us the money to clear bank dues.He sold the house for a huge amount but gave us a small portion of it, which was not enough to clear the dues. Mom fainted in the government office when he told that he won't give us a single penny. In family court I have seen mom crying in front of the judge when he asked whether she wants to continue with my father or get divorced. She did not have an option, but to tell the court judge she wanted a divorce.From that day, I cared for my mom more than ever, more than my life. I couldn't even think of anyone telling me bad about my mom. We moved to a rented house and stayed in rented houses for about more than 15 years.My mom is 59 and will soon retire. She wants me to get married before her retirement. So I told her ok.Things change here.... This is my situation now and I need help.... I wrote about my past life above because I want Anu mam to know why am writing this mail to you....I was 28 when my mom wanted me to get married. But I was not ready for it. I wanted a girl who would love my mom more than I did. I wasn’t sure if a girl from a matrimonial site would be able to love my mom.However, one day my mom said she had found a good girl for me from a matrimony site and showed me the photo. She was from a rural area. We lived in the city. I asked my mom if will be a good match. She’d spoken to the girl’s family members and felt they were good. We decided to go and see the girl. When we went to her house, she was very polite and well behaved with my mom. I felt like I was about to start a new chapter in life. That it will be a good beginning. But it wasn't.Six months after marriage her attitude towards my mother was very rude sometimes. I felt bad but ignored. As days passed, she started debating with my mom for silly matters.1. The first quarrel was regarding the name of a fish. We bought some fish in home... My mom said this fish name is xxxx.... My wife told the fish name is xx and they started debating2. As am from Kerala, my mom had prayed that she will do my thulabharam if I get married before her retirement. In the temple my wife was meant to stand next to me during the ritual. However, when I searched for my wife she was standing far away. My heart broke. I began to worry if my life will also turn to be like my parents'.3. Two months after my marriage I heard that my father had committed suicide. I went to the temple to complete his last rites. As per the ritual, when I return home, my wife is supposed to prepare a sadhya (a full meal). But she fought with me for some silly matter and went to sleep without eating anything. She hadn’t cooked anything that day. My mother begged her to have food but she didn’t relent.She’d quarrel on all festive occasions be it Onam or Diwali. I didn’t tell anyone about it. When things get tense at home, she’d pretend to be ill and short of breath. One day I informed her brother. What he told shocked me. He told me to ignore her saying she must be pretending. I am worried that if something happens to her, I’d be blamed for it. With this fear, my mom and I are tolerating her.After 2 years of marriage, she became pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl. One day I saw my mom crying. When I asked her, she said that whenever my mother takes my baby in her hand my wife comes and grabs the baby away.One day I closely monitored the situation. I saw her grabbing my baby from my mother when my mom took her. I asked my wife, what's wrong and scolded her. The situation got worsened and she gave a silly answer.... She told me, she is worried about whether my baby will fall down from my mother's hand..... I informed her family and they gave her some advice and told her she need some doctor consulting regarding this.... While talking to their family I realised that she was like this before marriage as well.After the advice, for a few days, things were calm. Later, she started again. She'd stare at my mom whenever she'd give any advice.She is negative in all ways. Now her dad and mom have stopped calling me. Today while writing this e-mail she’d scolded my mom for recording my baby’s video saying my mom will send it to everyone. My baby was wearing a top and diaper nappy. When I asked her why she is behaving like this to mom, she said that my mom is not good to her. I cannot explain each and every quarrel but the reasons are quite silly. What should I do? After my father's issues, I thought my life after marriage will be good but it’s proving to be wrong.Waiting for an answer.

Hello mam, glad to find you here. Mam, I'm a female, 27 yrs, I have been in a relationship with my partner since 9yrs, but he is from different caste. We both were immature when we started our relationship but our relationship grew stronger as time passed.We have gone through ups and downs of our relationship and are still intact. When I was into 3yrs of our relationship he was doing some odd job, at that time I told my mom about us and she said 'NO' because of caste issue irrespective of his job. Another reason is that my father is an impulsive person who thinks to harm himself whenever something happens, so mom said my father might harm himself if I go forward. At the same time there were some issues in boys family and my brother met them and he said no to it.But I couldn't get away from him, so I stayed. Later I talked to my partner about his family environment and I said that I couldn't stay with them because of the negative impact. He talked to his family and confirmed that after marriage we will lead our life under different roof but maintain the sufficient relationship with his family. We both are now settled in jobs but he earns a bit less than me but we earn a handsome salary combining our both salaries. Now, it's time for my marriage and I want to marry him and he have changed alot for me without leaving his family and he understands me very well. I feel safe with him. Now the problem is my parents wants to get me married and I also want to get married to the whom I loved but my mom and brother are not yet all giving me the chance to convince them. They are trying to convince me for marriage with others but I couldn't do that, that will kill me all my life. They are saying that if I go for intercaste then they have to suffer all their life and my father might do something to himself if he finds out. I love my family dearly and that's why I have been waiting all these years for their approval. I do not want anyone to lose their life because of me. My partner have left the decision to me because of my situation at home and he is supportive of me. My transfer is nearing where I have two options, one is to opt for my home town(not Village), where I can bring my parents to town with me to stay( now my posting is in another city). Second is to opt for different city( where I have to stay with my brother who doesn't approve of my love and blames me for his career). In order for me to convince them for my marriage should stay with my family or away from them and how can I convince them? Sorry' for the long story and I hope I hear from you.

Hi I am 40 yrs with wife and kid of 7 yrs. My problem is family oriented. I have three sister, elder two sisters are well married and settled. My younger sister had an arrange marriage in 2004 and she had a divorce in 2011. With that marriage she has a boy child who is almost 18 now and too lazy, she as per her will did an intercaste love marriage in court in 2015 without informing anyone. I used to stay away in delhi and my parents and eldest sister(at her in laws place) in kolkata and d youngest married d guy 2 km from parents house. In 2017 i shifted back to kolkata as my wife was pregnant, so we took a decision dat now it would be better to stay in joint family as d kid will get grand parents and we will also serve my parents, but my youngest sister had a very bad habit of calling my mom every day almost 5-7 times and coming to parental house every alternate days which i rrsisted and i faced backlash from my parents and her too. Then suddenly things changed her husband became a very rowdy person and started beating her as she narrated and she came back to parental house with two kids one was from previous husband and one was from d court love marriage, now she stays in same flat where my parents stays. In 2017 aug my kid was born in 2019 she came back and den i again decided to leave house with my wife and kid as it was 2 bhk flat and all people flocked there as if ut was a zoo so i decided to leave with my family and we moved to ujjain and started living peacefully. Reason for leaving was my younger sis her eldest son and my dad has a very bad habit of shouting arguing nd fighting means domestic violence which i have seen in my childhood days even wen my dad used to do violence with my mom. Now i say her to take divorce and stay with parents or go back to her husbamd or where ever she wants. My dad is retired with a fixed income of around 20k per month. My sis and her son stays at home uses all facilities of home whereas when i shifted to ujjain i did all hardships and built my rented flat. Used to sleep on floor slowly we both husband wife worked hard and bought bed, kitchen utensils fridge and tv. Now my concern is she is not taking divorce and fully dependent on my father. She and her son both earn almost 35k together but their contribution towards house is big Zero towards ration is ZEro yes for basic dey dont pay anythng but like she pays for her small child school fees almost 3000 and whatever dey feel like eating extra den normal homely food she brings for her kids. As she is not taking divorce what can be main reason and future consequences to my kid and my life and my mom and dad have just become a free maid for her kids, my sis does all masti and roams freely till 9 pm without any concern for her kids as my mom is behind as maid to take care. Means my mom and dad have no saving cz of her and no personal life nor any social life cz dey have to take d youngest kid along with dem. My dad is 70 diabetic mom is 65 undergone bypass. Wen i say cz of yoi came back i have to leave dat house she says did i hold ur hand and say to go out. Where as i needed peace but i also need my parents as i want to take care of dem cz she treats dem like servants only. And my parentz dont understand dis dey hav soft cornor for her. She is like deemak but dey dont understand. Kindly guide me.