Hi Dr Kaur, my wife and I have been married for a decade. We have two kids, 8 and 6 and live with my parents. Our conversations are often turning into arguments. We barely communicate without stress or worry. I fear this is affecting our children. With parents around, it becomes difficult to have an honest chat. How can we restore our connection and improve our communication?

Ans: communication is not only about talking - its about listening too and unfortunately many of us do not follow this form of communication. Explain to your wife that its important for your relationship that she works on this habit to listen....also pretend to cut her sentence, not allowing her to speak - it will annoy her - it is then calmly explain to her that you did this to make her realise what you expereince.

Ans: What you could have done when you got married was move into your own home. Instead, when you got the chance to move to a new residence, you opted to live with your parents yet again! This ridiculous patriarchal mentality of a woman having to adjust to her husband’s whole family is the cause of most marital strife! You want things to improve, put some distance between them and move out! Ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Ans: Dear Savendra

Navigating through frequent arguments and tension at home can be incredibly challenging, especially when they leave you feeling emotionally drained and upset. It's understandable that you're seeking guidance on how to handle this situation. Given your wife's past brain problem, it's essential to approach these conflicts with patience, empathy, and understanding. Firstly, try to remain as calm as possible during arguments, even when emotions run high. Active listening and validating her feelings can help create a more constructive dialogue. Setting boundaries around communication and behavior is crucial, ensuring that discussions remain respectful and productive. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can provide valuable support in addressing underlying issues and improving communication skills. Additionally, taking care of yourself through self-care activities and seeking support from friends and family members can help you navigate through these challenging times. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and seek assistance when needed to foster a healthier and more harmonious household for yourself and your family.

Ans: It’s clear that you deeply care about your partner and the health of your relationship, but recurring arguments and a lack of expressed love are creating a disconnect. To nurture love and clarity in your communication, it’s essential to create an emotional space where both of you feel safe, valued, and understood—even during disagreements.

When arguments arise, they often escalate because emotions are heightened, and both people feel the need to defend their perspective. To shift this dynamic, start by focusing on emotional regulation in those moments. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re both on the same team, even if you see things differently. This small pause can prevent reactive words or actions that might escalate the conflict further.

Outside of conflicts, consider the daily emotional climate of your relationship. If love isn’t being expressed regularly, your partner may feel insecure or disconnected, which can intensify disagreements. Begin to nurture love by weaving simple but heartfelt expressions of care into your everyday interactions. This might be as simple as saying, “I appreciate you,” giving a warm hug, or acknowledging something they did, however small. These gestures build emotional reserves that make handling tough conversations easier because they remind both of you of the underlying bond.

When it comes to communication, try reframing the way you approach disagreements. Speak from your feelings rather than placing blame. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not listening to me,” try, “I feel unheard, and it’s making me frustrated.” This subtle but powerful shift fosters understanding rather than defensiveness. Equally important is listening with an open mind. Practice reflecting back what your partner shares to show you’re truly hearing them. For example, “I hear that you’re upset because you feel I didn’t prioritize you—am I understanding that correctly?”

Love is nurtured in the moments between conflicts—through trust, small acts of kindness, and consistent emotional support. Reflect on what makes your partner feel loved and cherished, and intentionally incorporate those actions into your daily life. At the same time, share what you need emotionally so they understand how to nurture you too. This mutual exchange strengthens your connection and creates a deeper sense of partnership.

Finally, consider having a calm, heartfelt conversation about how you both want to handle conflicts and express love moving forward. Creating shared goals for your relationship can bring clarity and purpose, helping you both feel aligned. By approaching your relationship with patience, empathy, and intentional care, you can not only resolve current challenges but also nurture a love that feels steady, secure, and fulfilling.